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Tuesday, July 11, 2006

A Really Inconvenient Truth

From the UK's Guardian Unlimited:
The Earth could be about to turn upside down. The planet's magnetic field is showing signs of wanting to make a gigantic somersault, so that magnetic north heads towards Antarctica, and magnetic south goes north. Compasses will point the wrong way, and migrating birds, fish and turtles are going to be very confused.

Just when this will happen, how long it will take and what the consequences will be, is difficult to fathom. What is not in doubt, though, is that it will happen. About every half a million years or so, the Earth's magnetic field flips upside down.

Well there goes blaming it on Bush. (I'm kidding: of course this is Bush's fault. Watch: BUSH CURSED, POLARITY REVERSED! Thus it is proven.)

We know the magnetic polarity goes topsy-turvy from rocks on the bed of the Atlantic Ocean. Along the middle of the Atlantic runs a gigantic crack from which lava oozes. As the lava solidifies into rock, it records the Earth's magnetic polarity at the time. These records show that we are due for another flip about now. But the Earth does not keep a regular rhythm, so no one could make a prediction based on past performance alone. There is, however, more convincing proof that we are heading for a tumble. Each time the magnetic field heads for a reversal, it grows weaker over several thousand years until it almost disappears. Then it switches and starts up again with renewed vigour.

Magnetism trapped in ancient pottery shows that over the past 4,000 years, the magnetic field has weakened by more than 50%. This past century, the strength has dropped by 5%. At this rate, the field might disappear in the next few hundred or thousand years. Another warning sign of an imminent flip has come recently from satellite measurements of the Earth's magnetic field.

A team led by Gauthier Hulot, of the Institut de Physique du Globe de Paris, has spotted patches of reversed magnetism concentrated in two places just underneath the Earth's outer mantle. In the largest patch, beneath the southern tip of Africa, the magnetic field is pointing towards the centre of the Earth, instead of outwards. The other patch is near the north pole.

The Guardian has now told us that the Earth could be "about to flip," and that there are warning signs of "an imminent flip." Sounds like batten down the hatches time, right?

Er, no.

Some experts have stuck their necks out to predict that we can expect the next reversal some time in the next 2,000 years. The process would probably then take anything between 100 and a few thousand years - not even a blink in the history of Earth.
Okay, I don't want to hear any more about how Saddam didn't pose an imminent threat.

And what exactly do we - or, rather, our g'g'g'g'g'g'g'g'g'g'g'g'g'g'g'g'g'g'g'g'great grandkids - have to look forward to when this happens?

We can only guess what life would be like during that reversal. Anyone trying to navigate with a magnetic compass is going to have a tough time, but what is going to happen to all those birds, fish and other animals that migrate vast distances using their own internal magnetic compass? Will they have time to re-draw their magnetic maps and get new bearings?

Even more creatures such as bees and some bacteria use a sense of magnetism for finding their way around their local territories, for a north/south or up/down axis. The Earth's magnetic field also stretches several hundred miles into space and protects us from the sun's charged particles and cosmic rays by focusing them towards the poles. This is where they appear as the northern and southern lights as they excite gases in the atmosphere. As the magnetic poles migrate across the world, those night lights are going to light up some very strange places where they have never been seen before. During a field reversal, this protective magnetic shield is going to be weak and might even disappear for a century or more. That might drastically affect the weather. There is a growing body of evidence that the sun's highly charged particles batter the upper atmosphere so hard that some of the assault filters down into the atmosphere around us, influencing the wind, atmospheric pressure and temperature.

Without our magnetic shield, those solar particles might create havoc with the weather. That cosmic radiation blasting the Earth's surface could cause genetic mutations and cancers.

Wow. Sounds like the end of the world as we know it. I mean, this is scary stuff - even scarier than people who thought The Day After Tomorrow was an important film.

But wait!

Yet when palaeontologists scoured the fossil records looking for signs of mass extinctions or bursts of evolution during previous magnetic field flips, they found nothing. Living organisms seem to have survived intact.
Intact? They found nothing? No Weapon of Mass Extinction? Nobody lied and nobody died? C'mon, I just read this whole article expecting the end of the human race - or at least a bunch of muties with three heads or six anuses or an odd fondness for Fluffer Nutter or something! You gotta give me something more than confused turtles.

And there it is - the perfect ending:

But what will happen next time?

What will happen next time indeed!*

*Meanwhile, across town...

Anonymous SeanS said...

I'm glad we still get to blame Bush. It would be a sad day when global phenomena can't be attributed to the work of one man. :)

06:41  
Anonymous fmragtops said...

I don't know if anything is scarier than people believing The Day After Tomorrow was an important film.

16:37  
Anonymous FIAR said...

There is, FM. People that think Bush is the worlds greatest terrorist are scarier.

18:24  
Blogger fmragtops said...

Oh, I would expect them to be the same people.

23:58  
Blogger The Cranky Insomniac said...

seans: Heh.
fm: Indeed.
fiar: Indeed.
fm: Heh.

00:21  
Anonymous fmragtops said...

OMG! Cranky's been drinking puppies!

10:45  

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