I always spend Fathers Day in a complete and utter state of fear. Every time the phone rings I start sweating uncontrollably at the thought that there will be a little voice on the other end saying, "Happy Fathers Day, Daddy." And I'll realize that no matter how many times I move, or change my name, or bribe a judge, I'll never truly be free.
So you understand why I had to lay low over the weekend.
Also I went to a barbeque.