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Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Al-Qaeda Expresses Appreciation to NY Times (Death to America)


Al-Qaeda Expresses Appreciation to NY Times

(Death to America)

02 Jumada 'l-Akhira 1427AH - Al-Qaeda Worldwide expressed its appreciation to the New York Times for disclosing the program of the infidel Bush to track its financial transactions, AQW Executive Director Osama bin Laden announced today.

"Truly the New York Times once again has shown its solidarity with Jihad by its actions," bin Laden declared. "I am grateful to He Who Edits for the showing us of the path to avoid the watching of the infidel Bush and his pigbathing Jew Agents of the Treasury, may jackals eat of their livers and hyenas feast on their colons, Inshallah! Death to America."

The New York Times had previously worked with AQW representatives during the so-called "Cartoon Wars," when editor Bill Keller (peace be upon him) agreed not to print blasphemous drawings of the Prophet Muhammed (pbuh), but instead ran a picture of the Virgin Mary, may she orally service our Great Prophet until peace be upon him, covered in dung. Keller and the Son of the Jew Sulzberger also aided AQW's operations with their reporting on the Zionist front National Security Agency's data mining operations.

"Truly Allah in his infinite wisdom has worked a miracle through these blasphemers," said AQW Associate Executive Director Ayman Al-Zawahiri. "As a reward for this I swear before my third wife's formal burqa that I shall sharpen my blade to a fine edge so that they may suffer a quick death when I remove of their heads from their swinehugging bodies, Mashallah! Death to America."

Al-Qaeda Worldwide spokesperson Sulaiman Abu Ghaith pointed out AQW's great need for financial advice.

"The one main drawback of the Jew-hating has always been the problems with the keeping of the Book of Checks," he admitted. "But thanks to the efforts of the Might-be-a-Jew Keller and the Son of the Jew Sulzberger this problem is no more. Now are we like unto the blaspheming drinkers of the blood of pigs in the heathen Geico ads - we just saved a ton of money on our Holy War!"

"Should Allah will it, I would someday like to in person also to thank the Frank One of the House of Riches and the Dowdy One named Maureen for their hard work on our behalf. Death to America," Abu Ghaith concluded.

Founded in 1988 by Osama bin Laden, al-Qaeda Worldwide has quickly become the world's leading exporter of Islamism, with Muslims from around the world participating in AQW's training seminars in Afghanistan and the Pakistan border regions. Among AQW's accomplishments under Executive Director bin Laden are the Embassy Bombing Fundraising Campaign of 1998, the Y2K USS Cole Bombing Membership Drive and the September 11 Allah4U American tour. As AQW has expanded, subsidiaries have been established in key areas across the globe, including al-Qaeda in Iraq (AQI), al-Qaeda in Afghanistan (AQA), al-Qaeda in Peshawar (AQP), al-Qaeda in Hollywood (AQH) and al-Qaeda in Academia (AQAc). AQW boasts an ethnically diverse membership, with all members connected by their devotion to the word of Allah, love for his Prophet (pbuh) and their understanding that to kill Americans and their allies, civilians and military, is an individual duty of every Muslim who is able. Death to America.

-30-


Anonymous fmragtops said...

These are hilarious. Keep 'em coming.

13:21  
Blogger The Cranky Insomniac said...

Thanks, and wilco.

I wonder if they're hiring...

13:56  
Anonymous fmragtops said...

I imagine that the splodeytard that replaced Zarqawi would be more than happy to let you have the job.

14:54  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you are an asshole.

10:14  
Blogger The Cranky Insomniac said...

Am I? Or did I just blow your mind?

See, if I were an asshole, I'd publish your IP address. But hey, then you wouldn't get to dress up and play Captain Coward with the other pretty little girls! So I won't! You're welcome!

Love,
Cranky

PS - I have to say that out of everything I've written, this post was pretty low on my list for one that would get me the coveted anonymous "you're an asshole" comment. Shows how much I know!

12:31  

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