So here I am, I've got a title for my post ("Kennedy passes wind") and everything, and then I get an email from Jay at Stop the ACLU alerting me to this story at the Drudge Report:
Kennedy Car Crash Coverup?Jay's got a roundup of blogosphere reaction. Everyone agrees that a Kennedy-in-a-car-accident story is too easy, but no one can resist. And hey, I never claimed to be better than anyone else. Plus, a lot of the good ones are taken already, so there's some skill involved here.
Police labor union officials asked acting Chief Christopher McGaffin this afternoon to allow a Capitol Police officer to complete his investigation into an early-morning car crash involving Rep. Patrick Kennedy (D-R.I.), son of Sen. Ted Kennedy.
ROLL CALL reports: According to a letter sent by Officer Greg Baird, acting chairman of the USCP FOP, the wreck took place at approximately 2:45 a.m. Thursday when Kennedy's car, operating with its running lights turned off, narrowly missed colliding with a Capitol Police cruiser and smashed into a security barricade at First and C streets Southeast.
“The driver exited the vehicle and he was observed to be staggering,” Baird’s letter states. Officers approached the driver, who “declared to them he was a Congressman and was late to a vote. The House had adjourned nearly three hours before this incident. It was Congressman Patrick J. Kennedy from Rhode Island.”
Baird wrote that Capitol Police Patrol Division units, who are trained in driving under the influence cases, were not allowed to perform basic field sobriety tests on the Congressman. Instead, two sergeants, who also responded to the accident, proceeded to confer with the Capitol Police watch commander on duty and then “ordered all of the Patrol Division Units to leave the scene and that they were taking over.”
A source tells the DRUDGE REPORT: "It was apparent that the driver was intoxicated (stumbling) and claimed he was in a hurry to make a vote.
"When it became apparent who it was, instead of processing a normal DWI, the watch commander had the Patrol units clear the scene. The commander allowed other building officials to drive Kennedy home."
This morning's incident comes just over two weeks after Kennedy was involved in a car accident in Rhode Island.
"I was involved in a traffic accident last night at First and C Street SE near the U.S. Capitol," Kennedy said in a written statement released by his office. "I consumed no alcohol prior to the incident. I will fully cooperate with the Capitol Police in whatever investigation they choose to undertake."
The Top Ten responses to "Kennedy car crash coverup":
10. All those extra hours Teddy made Patrick practice are finally paying off: nobody died this time.
9. All those extra hours Teddy made Patrick practice are finally paying off: the car stayed on the road this time.
8. I don't remember the whole joke, but at the end the old rabbi says to the young rabbi, "A Kennedy car crash coverup? This you get me out of bed for?"
7. I bet this story was already in the files, like the obits of famous people are.
6. "A story about a Kennedy Car Crash Coverup? C'mon, kid, you're gonna have to do better than that if you wanna make it at this paper."
5. Why is this even news?
4. ...And the horse says to the bartender, "It's better than being a Kennedy car crash coverup!"
3. "Two accidents in two weeks and nobody died? Do you have any idea how much shame you've brought to this family??"
2. "You don't really expect me to fall for the old "Drunken-Kennedy-in-a-car-crash-coverup" routine again, do you?"
And the number one response to "Kennedy in car crash coverup" is:
1. Guns don't kill people. Kennedys in car crash coverups do.