Lefty Phil Mickelson won the Masters by two strokes, but the other, right-handed golfers seemed buoyed by the fact that scientists say he'll die at a younger age than them.
In NASCAR news, the Cranky Insomniac is breaking up with Carl Edwards, who killed The CI in his fantasy league for the second time in this young season. In Sunday's race, Edwards somehow managed to get into an accident with himself, while in the lead. The CI should've known Edwards would be spectacularly incompetent after he guest-starred on 24 last week as a Homeland Security agent.
Turning to the NFL, earlier excitement over who the Jets will draft has faded as fans realize that no matter who they get they'll still suck, and the latest word from Oakland is that Al Davis is still alive, ensuring that the Raiders will have a horrible draft and also continue to suck.
Stay tuned for Hale Hittler with the weather.