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Saturday, April 01, 2006

Bonds admits to using illegal performance enhancers

The San Francisco Batsman is reporting that superstar Barry Bonds has admitted to using illegal performance enhancers since 1998. Bonds apparently came clean during a one-on-one interview with Batsman reporter Richard Strong, excerpts of which hit the web late Friday night.

According to Strong, Bonds said that over the past eight years he's used more than seventy different illegal products, ranging from pills to creams to suppositories.
"How sick do you have to be to be shoving drugs up your ass?" said a tearful Bonds. "It's bad enough that all my records are gonna be taken away and I may not be able to play anymore, but there ain't nothing more humiliating than shoving drugs up your ass."

When questioned, Bonds revealed that he would go to the clubhouse bathroom every three innings on days he was playing. It was there that he would anally ingest up to thirteen different supplements in his neverending quest for a little extra edge.

"On gameday I'd be shoving [stuff] up my ass five or six times during practice," Bonds revealed. "Once the game started I'd go to the [bathroom] maybe three or four times and I'd shove more crap up my ass each time. Alltogether I'd be shoving the stuff up my ass ten, eleven times on gamedays."
The full interview will be released in Sunday's edition of the Batsman.

(Happy April Fool's Day, y'all...)

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think that was stupid as hell, i'm trying to write a research paper and you made me read your whole stupid post, wow. waste of time.


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